Please enjoy the following HOW-TO, something I’ll use on my fifth and perhaps last marathon in the Twin Cities.
How to run a marathon through Minneapolis and St Paul
At the first few miles, the adrenaline will run hot through our bodies and we’ll be tempted to hit it hard, with Alan Page tooting his tuba, our peers seemingly crowding us out, and the rolling hills beckoning us to and fro. Hydration is vital to your performance; stick to a sip of electrolytes, then a sip of water, so as we perspire, our bodies can remain elastic.
At miles 3 to 6, we’ll cruise the curves, and run the tangents, decimating .3 miles off our course. At mile 5, take in some carbohydrates, i.e., that fancy chocolate gel in your running shorts as well as some water, as if dining on a flaky croissant and a shot of espresso. Miles 6 and 7 are hilly where we’ll lean in ever so slightly, using small steps on the balls of our feet, imagining the handsome fellow with the irresistible calf muscles beckoning us to his lair.
At miles 7 and 8, spectators, thick as thieves will greet us, banners will wave, horns will blow, and at miles 8 to 11, rolling inclines will challenge our calves, ankles, and the frontal parietal networks of our precious brains; we’ll gain a heightened sense of flow and we’ll be smack dab in the ‘zone.’
At mile 11, consider a second chocolatey gel as if sitting with a lover on the steps of Notre Dame. Keep trucking through miles 13 and 14, ignoring the doughnut shop, and meander with a slight lean into the rolling hills. Miles 14 to 19 are flat and downhill, past the Minnehaha Falls and onto the River Road with boisterous spectators and then isolation. Use the cheer, the shade, and the tangents, with the shade taking priority if the sun is high.
Miles 19 to 21 are tough climbs to the Franklin Bridge. Take in the popping colors on the bluffs and use a third chocolatey gel at mile 20–the infamous wall. Be the hills, embrace them, if you must.
Face more hills and inclines in miles 21 to 23 and at St Thomas University, we will focus on the women and men in front of us and use them to pull us to the top and then left on to Summit Avenue. At Snelling, there will be a lurch on our calves as we near the end of the climb. At miles 23 to 25, we’ll use the headwinds, the flat sections, our peers, and if we must, we’ll pull one of them in to our advantage.
At mile 25, we will be the brazen one on this one last small hill, make a left and then another, and pull in that gal or guy so we can kiss and hug each other.
Miles 26 to 26.2 is the Cathedral of St Paul and the steep hill will push us to the finish where we’ll pass a few peers and cruise full throttle to the end for an ice cold “ski,” as Kavanaugh would call it, and salty potato chips.
Champions, we are!
anthology 